Pink is for Positive…

In August of 1995, Kenny and I closed on our first little house about 10 days after our wedding. It was in the old part of Englewood, and the cutest little cottage. Of course we had to remodel a bunch of stuff, but it was just the right size for the two of us and had a HUGE, long, white picket fenced yard in back.

By January 1996, we had settled into our little house and business was still going well for only beginning our second year.

Because I was told I would have a hard time getting pregnant, we decided not to hinder any limited chance by using birth control.

On January 13, 1996, Kenny was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper. I had the feeling I might be pregnant…didn’t really have a reason to think it, but I felt it. I had been working in the office when I decided I’d bring it up. I walked into the kitchen and told him that I had a feeling I might be pregnant…without looking up he said, “um hmm”. Even though I knew he didn’t hear, I went on talking about it and he continued giving me the appropriate mouth noises.

After a minute or two, waiting for what I was saying to break through the hockey scores, it was apparent he was unable to detach himself from his paper enough to hear what I was saying to him. I walked over to him, put the ends of my fingers on his forehead and pushed back.

NOW I had his attention!!! Oh my, he didn’t like THAT, at all.

Still makes me grin, thinking about it.

He flew into a rage, jumping up from his chair, screaming like a girl.

I just stood there, leaning against the door jam, looking bored, waiting for him to finish.

When he settled down I said, “did you hear what I said?”

He blurted out, “YES, I HEARD YOU!”

I knew he hadn’t really heard, so I asked, “Well, what did I say?”

Suddenly he paused. I could see his mind flinch a bit, as my words came into focus.

“You said…you might be pregnant?”

I laughed, “yes, that’s what I said, Kenny”.

He began to chuckle a bit. “Oh, I didn’t hear you.” (Gee, really?)

He walked back to the table and sat down, picked up his paper and resumed reading.

Not the response I expected. Not at all. In fact, that was the end of the conversation.

I went back to work and considered his lack of response…but then he was looking at the paper, and it is so utterly important that he get through it without interruption…right?

Later that day, my friend Shelly was coming over to visit.

We spoke on the phone early in the day to decide what time she was coming and talked about ordering Chinese take-out for dinner.

I told her that I thought I might be pregnant…Ahhh, there was the response I was looking for…someone to be hopeful and excited with me!! She said that she would bring a pregnancy test with her when she came. I was so excited to think it might be true…but Kenny’s lack of interest was still in the back of my mind, chipping away at the joy.

That evening, we had dinner and talked hard. The whole time all I could think of was taking that test, but you’re supposed to take it first thing in the morning.

Finally, I just couldn’t stand it anymore and decided that I was going to take it, right then!

I went into the bathroom to do the test. Three minutes…that’s all it took…and when I came out and set the timer, Kenny walked out to the backyard. As he was leaving I reminded him that it would only be three minutes. He said he’d be back.

Shelly and I sat in the living room and waited the eternity of three minutes. When the timer went off, I jumped up off the couch and went to the back door to call Kenny.

I found him standing in the yard by the dog house with a sledge hammer in his hand.

I told him it was time to look. He said, “yea, just a minute.”

Another minute?!! Are you kidding?! I came back into the house and told Shelly to hang on a minute. We waited and waited…and waited…but Kenny didn’t come in.

I went back out and asked if he was coming. He said, “just go ahead”.

“…just go ahead?”

Why would he want me to “go ahead” without him?

Wasn’t he interested?

What was going on?

I slowly walked back into the house, not sure how I should tell Shelly that Kenny wasn’t coming.

It was weird, it didn’t make sense.

How could I explain it to her in a way that wouldn’t make him look like an ass, when I didn’t understand it myself?

I couldn’t.

So, I pasted a smile on my face and said, “OK! Let’s go see!”

We went into the bathroom and looked at the windows on the little stick.

One window had a very distinct pink line in it, but the other window looked empty.

We stood there looking…and squinting…and leaning closer.

Suddenly, I thought I could see something…a faint pink…or was it just my crossed eyes playing tricks on me?

I asked Shelly, “Does that look like a little pink to you?”

“I think I do see a little pink”, she said leaning over to get a closer look.

As we watched, the pink got darker and darker!

There were TWO PINK LINES!! I was, I was!!

We both screamed…And that’s when we heard it.

The sledgehammer hit the side of the doghouse, with a boom.

We were silenced with a jolt.

Did he hear us scream? Was that his reaction…to demolish the doghouse? Why?

He didn’t come in for about 10 minutes after our screams, and while he was out there, he took that doghouse down to the ground.

Finally entering the house, he threw himself into the recliner.

I was sitting on the couch, beside the chair and Shelly was standing on the other side of his chair, almost behind him. I asked, “Did you hear?”

“Yea, I heard you”, he said, keeping his eyes on the TV.

My eyes shifted to Shelly standing behind him, she was already looking at me, uncertain of what she was witnessing. There was nothing from him. No joy. No smile, no hug…nothing…except that he did hear us scream and the doghouse was firewood.

Message received.

I’m so glad Shelly came over that night, twelve years ago…if not, I would have been alone with the wonderful news that I was going to have a baby.

I was so happy that night…and so completely devastated.

Shelly has never mentioned it…